The Strange World of a Faerie

Things change. That's actually constant. Very contrary, isn't it? I just went back and read all my entries since I embarked on this 'blogging' adventure. Things are very different now. For one, if you are new and read the first post, you'll be very confused by the Murvene reference as this blog was initially titled 'FaerieJ and the Murvene 5'. Hope that clears that up for you.

I've mentioned my son, he's almost 10 now and still comes up with nuggets of joy akin to the Einstein inventing science school of thought. He's still into baseball, but doesn't seem to have the drive anymore. I'm trying to get him interested in more things, he's stuck on wrestling. I love the way his mind works and am confounded by it. I don't get to be with him enough as I must share him with his father. But at least he's mine legally now, and I'll never have to worry about not having him.

In another earlier post I referenced sticking with a decision no matter how badly it's going because it always seems that to make a new one ends up worse. I'm the person who always makes the wrong choice. At least it seems that way most of the time. Until I stopped to look at what was going on with my life. Not all my decisions were bad ones. Initial decisions may have been, but corrective ones weren't after all. Some initial ones weren't either. I have a good full time job. It pays me well enough to cover my needs and supply a few wants. I work with some awesome people and we make a difference in our community. Applying for this job was a magnificent decision.
Adopting my step-son. That was the best decision I ever made hands down. The naysayers will say I did because I can't have my own. That may be a factor, but I did it because I love this child. No matter how often we but heads or how often I have to change a plan or leave work or clean up puke, he is my heart. And even if he never calls me mom to my face, I know I'm his mother and I know he knows it too.
I moved out. Got my own place. Took my life back. I made a bad decision years ago. I got some good things because of it (see above), but I got a lot of years of not being me. That was my fault. I made the decision to change me to fit into the idea I had of how I thought marriage was supposed to be. That was wrong.

Now I'm changing me back. Not exactly how I used to be. I have responsibilities to others besides just me now, but back to myself with tweaks. I'm listening to my gut again. As I thought about all this and how I was stagnated by the fact that I thought I always made bad decisions, I looked for the good ones I've made. What did they have in common? They were gut decisions. They weren't me over-analyzing, dissecting, making flo-charts for outcome. What should we all take away from this, listen to yourself. Don't let all the outside stuff factor in where it doesn't belong. Follow your gut for the changes that will be the right ones.